Transition….its the only way to describe the place I’m in right now. Its ok for now but it can’t last forever. I understand now more then ever that tomorrow is not promised which makes it hard for me to spend time doing things that amount to nothing. I need to be productive every day, making everyday count! My heart is somewhat in a bind…needing to let go and longing for love at the same time. Connecting emotionally is = if not > connecting physically in my book. To be loved and be loved in return is truly the only thing my heart desires. I know my time will come. Then there is this little man who has and always will have a special part of my heart that’s just for him. He smiles at me and my world is made better…in a way that only he could make it. The Lord knew exactly what I needed when he gave him to me and I thank him everyday for him. My Inspiration, my motivation, my Will to live and keep pressing forward. For now in transition…bridging over to my next adventure…who it will include and what I will do I do not know. Yet I eagerly await what is to come….Hello Future!
June 20, 2010:
Communication is so important! I don’t understand why some people just don’t get it. How can you have a relationship with someone you never speak to! IT CAN’T WORK!! I have now realized that no matter what happens in life, this person is not going to change. Weather you are doing just fine, or on your death bed, sooner or later they revert back to their old ways. It took me a while but I have learned this about myself-I DON’T WANT TO DEAL WITH IT! Why should I settle for this when it makes me so unhappy. Happiness in so many cases is taken for granted. Life is too short to settle in any area of it. I know what I want and what I don’t want. It sucks it has to be this way. Yet I’m not worried, just because they don’t know how to communicate doesn’t mean we still aren’t good friends. I believe we always will be. I also believe the Lord is going to put someone in my life who will love me like no other has before him. Who will communicate with me openly and continuously, who adores me and loves my company. Who wants me to be happy always and takes pride making me happy. One whose heart leaps at the thought of wearing me on his arm and me being his. Who is pleased by me and loves the way I love him, take care of him. I wish I could have this with the one who holds my heart now, but he just doesn’t get it. He doesn’t love me the way I love him….I don’t think he knows how. There are many ways about him I just don’t understand. Like how you have a child and never call to check on them or see what new things he’s learning. Don’t care to ask how his Doctor appointments go or what he’s into. Providing financially is only a piece of the pie, being a parent stretches far beyond the wallet. I hope things do change for the better, at least in this way. Breaks my heart but what can I do. woo saaaahhh!
mmm….really missing him right now. I don’t understand it and I don’t know why but it seems like the saying is true ” can’t live with him and can’t live without him!” As much as I can’t stand him sometimes…my world is so much better when he is around. He really is my best friend and I thank God for him daily.
After so long there is so much to say…but skipping over the past and jumping right into it! I’m on a count down. 4 days until i go under the knife! Surprisingly all of my fears and worries are gone. This is one time I can truly say I have given it to the Lord and left it there. Now I do think about how it all is going to play out and how much I will miss my son. I know its a blessing that I can get this done now and put it behind me. God continues to give me these reality checking wake up calls. Well its about time I got up and answered! Filtering out all the foolishness from my life and moving forward. It feels GREAT! Very freeing! I love it!!
April 29, 2009:
I miss his Kiss
April 29, 2009:
Its like this song was written for us…
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
Sometimes I don’t know how to feel. Where to go or what to do. I don’t expect to have all of the answers but its hard for me to work on things alone. Its hard for me to trust in the future things won’t change when history keeps repeating itself. What is God trying to tell me?! I just want to trust him and do his will. I just want to love and be loved. Since when does love have a limit? I love hard and I dont give up, why does love give up on me. So many emotions, so miss understood! Its hard for me to except I may have to go through this alone. Yet even though I fail him, the Lord keeps opening doors for me. All is not lost, I’m in this place for a reason and no one said its going to be easy!
I’m so thankful that even when friends give up on you, I still have family and a God who will stand by my side unconditionally.
Well i don’t even know where to began. I have truly been on an emotional roller coaster! Some Highs and lows in the very same day! I am experiencing so many different things these days. Many of which just came about over the last week or so. Its not normal…and sometimes I get a little weary and long for the days when I was normal. And then I think of all the Joy that is to come…mmm I have but a small price to pay. So far I miss being able to eat what I want. Sometimes I crave things and then when I get them, they don’t taste the same. Nothing really taste like it use to…I sound like a fat girl lol, I can’t wait to enjoy eating again… its like a chore now along with so many other things. Things to look forward to… oh there are so many. You know it came to mind today how funny it is…there are those who never speak to you but feel the need to reach out let you know “they are there for you” when they think you are in need or going through a hard time. I’m not sure how to take them. It seem genuinely fake! Maybe they feel remorse for having never been around in the past…mmm. I’m not quite sure I’m on the same wave length with these folks. Any any event.. I have been super slacking on my blogging…not really feeling up to par, I must admit I have slacked on a few things. But I’m back and will try to post at least once a week. This is what I’m telling myself lol
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